Ad buyin’ and drug dealin’

In recognition of David Simon, creator of HBO’s The Wire, who today was awarded a MacArthur Genius Grant, I offer this parody summary of a long-lost episode of The Wire:

The first scene opens with D’Angelo in the project’s courtyard, watching business from the couch. In the background, two younger gang members argue about whether corporations should be treated like people.  One notes sagely that it is hard, if not impossible, to bust a corporation upside the head. They debate the proprieties of referring to fictitious persons as “n*gg@$.”

D’Angelo breaks up the heated argument as he sees unmarked patrolmen cruise pass the projects. He pages Avon, the gang leader, and sets off to a meeting with Avon and his lieutenants.

Avon announces that the mutha$fu#$ng D.A. needs to be taught a thing or two. D’Angelo fears he knows where this is leading. Avon confirms his worst suspicions.

“Yo, we takin’ it to the airwaves, bro. We need to bust up some independent expenditure sh#t on this b*tch’s @$$.”

In the next scene, Avon sits in a parked car by the docks. A Chevy Suburban pulls up, and a middle aged media buyer claid in a polo and khakis, emerges…  Money changes hands. Ad writers, voice-over actors and video techs spring into action. In 48 hours, the ad war is on—courtesy of “Baltimore for Free Enterprise.” Or, so says the disclaimer. Oregon Rep. Peter DeFazio, a long-time critic of drug gangs, contends that drug dealers could be behind the ads, but, unfortunately, nobody believes him.

Rumors also fly that original gangsta Karl Rove is behind the ad, and the subsequent outrage in Baltimore propels the D.A. to victory. The episode ends with the ad buyer leaving a local restaurant. As he walks toward his car, we see two shadowy figures following him…

The Center for Competitive Politics is now the Institute for Free Speech.